Chantix - Day 10

Today went well. I got up around 11:30, had the first cigarette a little after noon (after lunch). I left about 12:20 to drive downtown for the Astros game and didn't have any cravings in the car. I was going to have the cigarettes 3 hours apart and not have one late at night but it didn't work out that way. The second cigarette was after the Astros game at around 4:20. The next two were about 4 hours apart after that.

The good thing was that, after each cigarette, I felt like I could have gone without it. I don't know if that's true or not but I'll find out tomorrow. I'm getting more and more nervous though about what will happen when they're all gone. Right now the cravings are very manageable, but I still have a lot of FUD about what will happen when they're all gone.

I do remember one particularly vivid dream from last night. I was in high school and was in a class (with people I recognized). For some reason the class was meeting in a hallway and the teacher was actually one of my 5th grade teachers. We were doing individual presentations on various subjects. I don't remember what my subject was, but I do know that I was woefully unprepared for the presentaion and that I was wearing a plastic replica WWII-style helmet. After the presentations we were going to have cake. In the middle of class though, the teacher said we were going to take a break and go ahead and have the cake. The cake was in a room off the hallway. It was a chocolate sheet cake with chocolate frosting, and had already been sliced. I asked the teacher how much we could take and she said there was only enough for each person to have one piece. So I grabbed a plate and fork and as I got to the cake there were a bunch of girls around it cutting slivers off the already-cut pieces, saying that they didn't want a whole piece. As they were doing that I saw what was the biggest piece and tried to squeeze in to get it. The girls wouldn't get out of the way though. They just stood there and kept saying "Oh I still haven't had a whole piece yet. I'm going to cut off another sliver."

I don't remember what ended up happening, but I was pretty pissed about not being able to get the big piece of cake. Then at the Astros game, the scene replayed itself. Except instead of classmates, these people were members of the general public. And instead of keeping me from getting cake, they were keeping me from getting to my seat. I was trying to walk, and they kept getting in front of me and slowing down, or stopping, or there were people coming the other way walking right at me and not yielding. I should start running into people to make them understand that they can't count on me to pay attention for them. They need to do that on their own.

I didn't mean to be up this late...