:(

:(

1 year

Well it was a year ago last night that I had the last cigarette. I guess the Chantix worked. It does help that none of my friends smoke too, and also that I'm poor and couldn't buy a pack if I wanted to.

Chantix - Week 10

Well I just finished the 9th-week pack tonight. Still no cigarettes for me. I really honestly couldn't be happier with the way the drug is working. The vivid dreams seem to be subsiding just a little bit. A lot of them still involve high school though for some reason.

I'm still having Tootsie Pops after lunch and dinner pretty much every day. I'm still not quite over that, but I can make it through the rest of the day without them.

http://www.ls1gto.com/forums/showthread.php?t=187393
I was glad to see this ^^^ and see some experiences other people have been having.

Chantix - Day 35

I just finished the 5th week pack of pills tonight. I still get the cravings, but they're slowly going away. I almost wouldn't call them cravings anymore - they're more of just a passing thought. Like "I'd like a cigarette right now," and then nothing. I've been cutting back on the Blow Pops and Tootsie Pops too. I just haven't wanted them as much either.

Aside from that, I've had trouble sleeping in the late morning still. Something will wake me up about 6 hours after I went to sleep, and then I have trouble going back to sleep and staying asleep. This doesn't happen so much on the weekends, but on weekdays when I know in the back of my mind that I'll have to get up in a couple hours, it makes me more anxious about getting back to sleep, and then that makes it harder to get back to sleep.

I've also been gaining some weight lately. I haven't noticed myself eating any more than normal, so I'm not sure what that's about. I guess I've either been eating food that was worse for me (entirely possible) or just not as active as I had been (also possible).

And I've been kinda belligerent and short-tempered lately too. This has mostly been at work. I've been at this job for a little over seven years now, and I'm kinda wondering if the "seven-year itch" applies to more than just marriage.

Still no cigarettes. The smell of them is getting annoying to me more now too.

Chantix - Day 18

OK so it's been a full week since I had a cigarette. Nothing out of the ordinary except for the bad headache on Wednesday. I've had a few vivid dreams the last two days, but nothing that I would consider "abnormal."

Chantix - Day 14+

I had a terrible headache and went to bed early last night, so I didn't post.

Nothing has changed so far, so I don't see the sense in keeping the blog updated right now. If anything does change I will post about it, but in the meantime it's OK to assume that I'm still having a few cravings during the day and that everything else is going well.

Chantix - Day 13

Nothing new today really. Everything was pretty much the same as yesterday. There were a couple times today where the craving was a little stronger than yesterday, but it was very brief. It's kinda hard to get used to not smoking at work anymore. I've been there for over 7 years and smoked the whole time. I've been pretty busy every day this week, and while I'm working I keep getting to a stopping point and I think "I should go get a cigarette now."

Chantix - Day 12

No cigarettes today, and no problems to speak of. I did have cravings during the day, especially after meals and on the way home from work, but those were negligible.

In the middle of the day I did get a weird nervous/energetic feeling. I don't know quite how to describe it, but the only time I've ever felt it before was after staying up for more than 24 hours straight. That was very brief though.

I feel like it's easier to breathe now too. I don't know if that's really the case, but it feels like it.

I also feel more tired than normal, without the stimulants all day. That's fine though, I can deal with it.

Chantix - Day 11

Today was a good day. I was pretty busy at work so I didn't have time to sit there and think about cigarettes. I had one after lunch around noon, then one around 5:00, and the last one after dinner a little before 9:00. I'm not as nervous as I thought I'd be about having no cigarettes left, but we'll see what goes on tomorrow.

I've been having minor cravings all day, but they go away pretty quickly. I think I've had 4 or 5 Blow Pops and some gum. I can't really tell if they're helping or not. I'll just assume they are for now and keep using them :)

They're all gone

Chantix - Day 10

Today went well. I got up around 11:30, had the first cigarette a little after noon (after lunch). I left about 12:20 to drive downtown for the Astros game and didn't have any cravings in the car. I was going to have the cigarettes 3 hours apart and not have one late at night but it didn't work out that way. The second cigarette was after the Astros game at around 4:20. The next two were about 4 hours apart after that.

The good thing was that, after each cigarette, I felt like I could have gone without it. I don't know if that's true or not but I'll find out tomorrow. I'm getting more and more nervous though about what will happen when they're all gone. Right now the cravings are very manageable, but I still have a lot of FUD about what will happen when they're all gone.

I do remember one particularly vivid dream from last night. I was in high school and was in a class (with people I recognized). For some reason the class was meeting in a hallway and the teacher was actually one of my 5th grade teachers. We were doing individual presentations on various subjects. I don't remember what my subject was, but I do know that I was woefully unprepared for the presentaion and that I was wearing a plastic replica WWII-style helmet. After the presentations we were going to have cake. In the middle of class though, the teacher said we were going to take a break and go ahead and have the cake. The cake was in a room off the hallway. It was a chocolate sheet cake with chocolate frosting, and had already been sliced. I asked the teacher how much we could take and she said there was only enough for each person to have one piece. So I grabbed a plate and fork and as I got to the cake there were a bunch of girls around it cutting slivers off the already-cut pieces, saying that they didn't want a whole piece. As they were doing that I saw what was the biggest piece and tried to squeeze in to get it. The girls wouldn't get out of the way though. They just stood there and kept saying "Oh I still haven't had a whole piece yet. I'm going to cut off another sliver."

I don't remember what ended up happening, but I was pretty pissed about not being able to get the big piece of cake. Then at the Astros game, the scene replayed itself. Except instead of classmates, these people were members of the general public. And instead of keeping me from getting cake, they were keeping me from getting to my seat. I was trying to walk, and they kept getting in front of me and slowing down, or stopping, or there were people coming the other way walking right at me and not yielding. I should start running into people to make them understand that they can't count on me to pay attention for them. They need to do that on their own.

I didn't mean to be up this late...

Chantix - Day 9

Well I had a little trouble sleeping in the late morning today. I had a couple of vivid dreams, but I forgot what they were now. I should've posted that after I got up.

Today went well. I got up at noonish, had lunch just before 1:00 and the first cigarette at 1:00. I was going to try for 3 hours today. I changed the oil in my car and got out my table saw to cut some boards. It was about 3:45 then, so I went ahead and had cigarette #2 since I was at a good stopping point. I don't recall any real cravings between 1:00 and 3:45, probably because I was busy with other stuff. I started having some cravings around 6:00 but held off and they went away when I started cooking dinner. I had #3 after dinner at around 7:15.

Now all these days when I've been cutting back and spreading out the smoking schedule, there's been one constant. I've always had a cigarette in the car when I left to go to work, and I always timed it so I could have one in the car on the way home. Tonight I went out to a friend's house across town at around 8:45 - between cigarettes. I did get the craving pretty bad when I started driving but fortunately it went away after 5 minutes or so. I'll have to be mindful of that because I almost ALWAYS have one when I'm driving somewhere more than 15 minutes away. I did leave the friend's house to come home a little after 10:00 and had one in the car then. After I finished it occurred to me that I probably should have just smoked it at their house before I left to try to get used to not smoking in the car.

It's getting close to 1:00 now and I've been having cravings on and off for a little over an hour (I couldn't get the shelves in because of that issue with the studs - I'm gonna have to think of something else. Otherwise I would've been occupied with that and probably not had the cravings). I had a Blow Pop but that didn't really help. I was going to try to skip the 1:00am cigarette since it will be fairly close to bedtime, but I think I will go ahead and have it since I've got a few things yet to do before I hit the sack.

So after that I will have 7 left. 4 for tomorrow and 3 for Monday. I think tomorrow I will do 3 hours again and then not have one late at night, and Monday I'll have one after lunch, one at work, and then the last one after dinner.

Chantix - Day 8

Today has been great so far. I slept well last night, did not have a cigarette right when I woke up, and generally felt fine all day.

I was able to keep the cigarettes two hours apart and honestly my cravings weren't as bad as yesterday's when they were 1½ hours apart. I was keeping track of the time when it was getting close, but it wasn't terrible. Tomorrow I'm going to try for 2½-3 hours. I've got some work to do in the garage so that should keep my mind occupied.

I've been pretty thirsty all day with the two 1mg doses. That's normal from what I understand. One of the other side effects listed was a change in perceived taste. So far everything to me has tasted the same except for the Sunkist soda I had, and the cigarettes (which, fortunately, are tasting worse).

Given the progress today with the cravings, I'm pretty confident that I can stop when this pack runs out. I'm a little worried though, because right now when I do have the cravings at least I know that I will get the cigarette eventually. Once these run out though, there will be no more and I'm not sure how I'll handle that. Hopefully the drug will work as advertised and I won't even want any.

Chantix - Day 7

I put the foam topper back on the mattress last night. I did sleep better through the night, but I had a little trouble getting to sleep. I know I wanted a cigarette really bad while I was lying there. I'm not sure if it was worse to try to get to sleep with the craving, or with the stimulant effect of the nicotine.

I don't remember any of the dreams from last night. I woke up a little earlier than normal 'cause I had a friend coming over to see my house and go out to lunch. I had the first cigarette about an hour after I woke up, and the next one was after lunch 1½ hours later.

A little background before I go on - I'm not a chain smoker. I started smoking cigarettes right around the time I turned 18 and have never tried to quit. I had been smoking less than a pack a day usually. Maybe 15 cigarettes, depending on how long I was awake and what else was going on. If I had no reason not to, I would usually have one an hour. I had no problem holding off as long as I had something else going on - like working on my car or building something or just anything that had my complete attention. I would smoke more though if I was outside or driving for any length of time. There were days when I was playing golf and could go through a pack (for the day - not the round).

So today I was able to keep all the cigarettes 1½ hours apart, and the cravings were not as bad as yesterday. I had read about the drug after I got it and I knew it was supposed to quell the pleausrable sensations from smoking, but I forgot that it is also supposed to control cravings. I'm glad that's working and I'm gonna try 2 hours tomorrow and see if I can do it. I'm down to my last pack now, and if I keep cutting back that should last me through Monday.

No more after that.

Chantix - Day 6

Well I did cut back some today. I did not have a cigarette when I first woke up (and felt fine) and I will not have one before bed tonight. I'm not supposed to have one before bed anyway, but my usual habit is to have one, then take a shower, then go to bed. During the day I cut back from one about every hour to one every 1:30-1:45. I was really craving them by the time I did have them though. That kinda fell apart after dinner. I wasn't paying attention to the time but I think I was having one every 1:15 or so.

I woke up a couple times during the night last night, but I think that was more related to how much I ate for dinner and not the drugs. I did have trouble staying asleep in the late morning again too, because of the mattress. The stupid thing is just a little over two years old and is already sagging. I have a foam topper for it that I took off a few months ago because it had started to sag. I may put it back on and see what happens. I really don't have the money for a new mattress. I wonder what would happen if I turned it upside-down (it's a plush top, and is only supposed to be rotated, not turned).

Two more half mg doses tomorrow, then Friday I go up to two 1mg doses.

Chantix - Day 5

So nothing special really today. Overall, every cigarette today felt pretty much the same as the ones yesterday (except the first one in the morning). And again I do think that the satisfaction from smoking has been diminished somewhat, but that I'm also getting used to it.

I didn't really cut back today, but tomorrow I'm going to see what happens if I don't smoke one right when I wake up. I didn't used to do that. I used to have my first cigarette of the day in the car on my way to work. When I was having sleeping problems several years ago though, the doctor told me to go outside and sit in the sun for 30 minutes right after I woke up every day. I figured since I was going outside and had nothing to do, I may as well have a cigarette. So tomorrow I'll see if I can get by with just some caffeine in the morning.

Chantix - Day 5

Man I had trouble sleeping last night. I don't know if it was the pills or the fact that I slept until 3:00 yesterday. I went to bed a little after 1:00 because I was tired then, but it was well after 2:00 when I finally got to sleep. Then I kept waking up during the night. I think part of this is that my mattress is sagging in the middle and if I try to sleep on my stomach then it bends my back too much and hurts. I'll see what I can do about that tonight.

I had lots of dreams last night that I kept waking up during, which made them seem more vivid. I can remember two of them. One was that I was at my old high school hanging around with a bunch of the people on the football, basketball, and volleyball teams. We all went into the "old" gym at the school to watch a basketball game. The floor was made out of brick though so the players were having a hard time dribbling. Then we all headed out for a Pirates of the Caribbean trip. We were all dressed up like pirates and we were supposed to be the crew of one ship. We marched up to the Canadian border (I don't know exactly where, but we set up camp by the St. Lawrence River) and were getting ready to go to sleep for the night when a couple more crews of pirates showed up. We were supposed to be meeting them. We were all going to march together along the Canadian border and then we'd get on our ships and head to England. I asked one of the other guys how long this would all last, and he said "about 2 years." I realized that I couldn't stay gone that long 'cause I had to pay my mortgage. So I abandoned them in the middle of the night and walked to my parents' house (which was surprisingly close to the Canadian border).

In the other dream I was watching a baseball game (it may have been a high school game) and was sitting in the bleachers. I was by myself except for some hispanic guy with his wife and a couple annoying kids. For some reason it was the bottom of the ninth and the home team was already winning 3-1 with two guys on, but they couldn't be declared the winner because nobody had gotten a hit yet. The coach drove through the dugout fence in his Gator 4x4 (which was completely unnecessary since the fence was chain-link and we could plainly see and hear what was going on in there) and yelled "Alex, we need you to suit up!" The hispanic guy, who was apparently was also named Alex, got up and went to his car and put on a uniform. He went up to bat, got a hit, and then the game was over.

Chantix - Day 4

Well today really went a lot like yesterday. I had the first pill late in the day (because I was sleeping - not because I drove out to my parents' before lunch) and the cigarettes in the afternoon were similar to yesterday's. And honestly now that I think about it I don't think there was quite as much satisfaction as normal with today's cigarettes or yesterday's. I think I'm just kinda getting used to the fact that there won't be as much as normal. Maybe the effects on the first two days were a little more pronounced since the feeling on that one day was different from the feeling I got with the thousands of cigarettes I smoked in all the time I was addicted.

I took pill number 2 about 2 hours ago and I'm getting ready to go to bed now, so we'll see what I end up dreaming about tonight. There was nothing weird last night. The dreams (that I remember) were more vivid and I did sleep until 3:00, but there wasn't really anything weird.

There were a couple times today when I got halfway through a cigarette and then looked at it and thought "am I not done with this yet?" So I guess that's a positive.

I know I said in my last post that I planned on quitting on Monday (the 13th). I have about 2½ packs left and I'm gonna try to slowly cut back and just finish them off. It may end up being next Monday or it may not, but it should be close.

And I just looked at the BC/BS website and they show Chantix as one of their preferred prescription drugs, which in my understanding means it should have been covered and I should not have had to pay the full $120.99. I'll call BC/BS about that tomorrow and see what the deal is.

Varenicline - Day 3

Well today didn't really seem promising. I had lunch out at my parents' so I had 3 cigarettes before I got there, then had lunch, then a cigarette. After lunch we played Uno and watched TV for a while so it was probably 3 hours or so before I had another cigarette.

Unlike the other afternoons though, this one felt normal. The other ones I had in the afternoon and evening seemed pretty normal too. I'm kinda curious if this had something to do with having 3 cigarettes before I took the pill or if it had something to do with waiting several hours after the pill before I had another cigarette. Anyway I hope the pills are working and I hope they work better when I start taking two a day tomorrow.

Next Monday is the day I plan/hope to stop smoking.

No weird dreams to report last night either. At least none that I remember. And honestly, the one about the Blazer and the house in Bellaire isn't all that weird. It was what I was dreaming about right before I woke up though so it was still pretty vivid in my mind.

Varenicline - Day 2

Today went pretty much like yesterday. The cigarette I had before lunch and before I took the pill felt pretty normal. I ate my lunch, took the pill, then had another cigarette and that one was pretty normal too. The other ones throughout the afternoon were like yesterday's - they just didn't feel like they did anything. When I finished them I thought to myself "why did I just do that?"

With the third one I had today after lunch, I got about 2/3rds of the way through and I didn't even feel like finishing it. I did, but I probably shouldn't have.

Tonight though, the cigarettes were feeling like normal again. Tomorrow is the last day for one .5mg pill - Monday it goes to two per day. I'm kinda curious what my dreams will be like when I'm taking one in the evening also.

Anyway I hope the whole futility/non-pleasure (it's not really displeasure, but more an absence of pleasure, and I'm not sure that there's a word for that) feelings persist. I read the success rate with Chantix after 1 year was only 22%. This is my first time trying to quit and I've been smoking for 12 years. I'd like to just do it once and be done because otherwise I'll've wasted $360.

Varenicline - Day 2

OK so one of the side effects listed for Chantix is "abnormal dreams."

Before I woke up I dreamed that I was driving my old Blazer home in traffic, but kept having to stick my foot out to stop it. When I got home (I lived in Bellaire but was driving home on 290 for some reason) I had to go to a park & ride lot to get my real car, which turned out to be a bike. While riding my bike home I passed a house that looked like the farm house where my mom grew up. I learned that it WAS the farm house, but it had been moved to Bellaire some time ago and the one on the farm was a reproduction.

At some point in the dream I was listening to songs that I had never heard of. They were songs on a collaboration album that ZZ Top did (ZZ Top was playing and other people were doing the singing). One of the songs sounded like 69Boyz's 1994 hit "Tootsee Roll."

Varenicline - Day 1

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Varenicline
$120.99 for a 4-week course (not covered by Blue Cross/Blue Shield)
12 weeks total

Day 1

I took one .5mg pill after lunch, per the directions. Since it was after lunch, I also went and had a cigarette. It seemed normal.

I had another cigarette a little over an hour later though and that was different. I didn't get that sense of satisfaction on the first inhale. Or really for any of the cigarette. After I finished I kinda wanted another 'cause the first one didn't do anything - but at the same time I DIDN'T want another 'cause the first one didn't do anything. It was like that for the next couple cigarettes in the afternoon, and then it started going back to normal.

I imagine it will get to the point where they all seem pointless once I get further into the course. It's .5mg once a day for the first 3 or 4 days, then two .5mg doses, then two 1mg doses.

:o
:)

Why the hell won't anybody ever call me back?

Testing!

This is a Blog?